The Book Cover

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Saturday, July 10, 2010


Have you ever done a tour of Europe? I have – about fifty times. No, I’m not a crazed tourist, it’s worse than that – I was the tour manager.

My job was to organise a tour group of 51 varying nationalities, mentalities and personalities to get around Europe by coach (remember it’s a coach, NOT a bus!) and complete everything listed in the itinerary while keeping to a deadline. My clients were aged 18 to 35, although they acted anywhere from 13 to 85 in mentality — and often the two extremes would share a room. Along the way I encountered back stabbers, bed-hopping casanovas, nudists, kleptomaniacs, thieving gypsies, disappearing drivers, wankers, got stuck in four-hour traffic jams while clients kept asking ‘How long until we get there?’, slept overnight on a gurney in a psychiatric hospital, and mediated bitch fights between supposedly grown women and sometimes men.

This is the inside story of my first season on the road. All names have been changed to protect the guilty (the innocent are too boring to write about)!

For anyone who has ever travelled and thought that the tour manager had the best job in the world, this is for you…

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